>> Thursday, January 18, 2007
After a horrible experiment involving bananas and my digestive tract, the roasted veggies, orzo pasta, and salad we got catered (for free, cause they want our business) was a much needed and welcome change.
For those of you playing the home game, The Toast HATES bananas. Ever since i was little, that yellow mushy milky flesh-from-hell has mocked me as i played beneath its mother's leaves in the hawai'ian sun.
But i digress...
Sigh and more sighs, i feel the overwhelming need for further personal evaluation. This is caused largely in part by my work situation (an office with all women who love to bring personal feelings into the mix, and who enjoy blaming people for no reason) and various other things to boot: living situation, moving, boyfriend, friends, ambition, family.
I am not ready to leave my
job the benefits that come with my job, i.e. $, medical, dental, vactation, sick hours, and what not. The actual job is mundane, but varied enough to be barely interesting. It's the people. I can't STAND women. Perhaps this is why i have all almost all guy friends, and have a hard time talking to women without being disgusted.
Women are not inherently bad creatures, but the ladies here are unreasonable, unlistening, quick-to-judge, gift-basket-giving, hand-written thank-you note sending, Martha wannabe's who get severly insulted when i don't mouth-gush thanks or grovel when making mistakes. They bake, constantly, for the office and then claim that "It's not that good.", taking lessons in compliment fishing from a page right out of high school America.
Not to get into it, but though we are a non-profit, i heard my boss boss blatantly say yesterday that "We're all in it for the money. That is what it's all about." So i am left thinking 'What about cancer? The research, the assistance, the educating, etc?'. Because of those few words fallen carelessly from her nonchalant face, i felt physically ill. While i can't deny that all business, big and small, is about the money, i can't believe these people claim to be in it "for the lives" when viewed from the outside, and rave about the money when they're alone. In short, i makes me sick. I can't work for people i don't respect. And hypocrisy is
one of the greatest the greatest injustice apparent in today's society.
So job, need to leave, but can't just yet. Need the stability. Need the funds. Gotta keep working. (Eek, cut to Brave New World... what was that about class structure, ambition, and soma?) Which leads to living situation. Need the $ to move, don't have enough time to really find a new place due to ouside influences = stress. Toss in a slight cold and a dash of worry-about-the-future and you got yourself one dilly of a pickle.
On the up side, i am (slowly) getting my house cleaned up, the bf and i are just fine and communicating more than ever, i've lost a smidgen of weight (enough for a coworker to notice), my phone has been found and recovered(and all the info in it, pics, #'s were deleted though), and the best thing: last night was the first night in months that my dad told me he loved me back. Almost brings a tear to the eye, don't it?
Well back to work and life. I hate the tense air of this place, at any second i could get in trouble for something i did, or didn't do... makes me want to smear the walls with poo and laugh maniacally to punish them... Don't look at me that way, it worked for Butterz.