>> Monday, September 17, 2007
I think that's something we can all say about our lives. And yet, i look at the people around me, live, work, sleep, and die around me, and i don't think that they would all be able to say that.
More time than i'd like to admit is spent in the observation of others and i've come to find (and have been confirmed in numerous conversations with my peers of higher-than-average intelligence) that quote "normal people" don't seem have the desire to learn, understand, utilize, infer, reason, perceive, wonder, ponder, application and production desires that i, or even my friends, have.
Even i get tired of thinking, of questioning things i'll never fully understand, and take joy in doing something merely for the simplest of pleasures. I revel in banality at times; early to bed early to rise, 1 protein 1 starch 1 vegetable; and live under a blanket of the unrelenting cliches we pride ourselves on breaking free of. Yet, in those moments, however long they be, there's an unspoken understanding that it will not last forever. This understanding, i believe, is from a deep and personal desire to not only analyze the cliche, but to also change it, make it unique, stamp it as my own creation, and in doing so, lift it up beyond the mundane and hope to inspire others to do the same as well.
I don't believe that anything you think or want can be wrong. I must, of course, preface that with my belief that how you act upon those thoughts and desires can be inappropriate when negatively affecting others (although that, in it of itself, provides a huge spectrum of grey, those shades and tones i don't wish to discuss now)and that can be considered wrong. But, as graphic and beastly as it may be to say, for whatever demented reason, if you think you'd like to kill someone in the most masochistic way and not act upon it, i think that's completely fine. But i digress...
All my life i've been astounded by what humans in all our glory have come up with. The smallest painting of DaVinci, or Dali if you prefer, a passage of Emily Dickinson, it is incredible to think of how any of it came about. We have the power to rearrange atoms, to create, to destroy, to move, and to form, and call it what you will (a muse, inspiration, or even despair) it all begins with a single thought; A thought to pick up a brush, to get our of a chair, to light a match, to take a breath in preparation to speak... Every single wonderful, amazing, great, unbelieveable, beautiful, disgusting, shameful, hopeful thing we've ever done starts with a thought.
So when i say i want to do something that matters, i first do it for myself. I take the banal and make it unique, make it my own. And then i want to do the thing that would seem like it would be the easiest thing in the world to do... you'd think it would be easy to just make someone think. And it usually is... you smile, someone thinks "aww, how nice", "wow, she's cute", "he looks like a happy person" but the true art is in getting them to think about what you personally want them to think about. I want to make others think about making ways for others to make others think about making ways for others think about making ways for others to make others think and so on and so forth.
Ahh, now how to do THAT? Well my friends, THAT is the hard part. Maybe what matters most is to strive for the answer to THAT question. And in doing so, in questioning the questions that have always and never been questioned, by getting you to question, maybe that can be my something that matters.