How to shop for girls...

>> Wednesday, January 3, 2007

Christmas was very nice this year, (hey chronology! f*ck you!) and i surprisingly only got gifts that i only asked for in "the girl's way". For those of you with a Y chromosome, i'll explain...

(Before i get people commenting on how wrong this is and what a lame, totally putting women down, generalizing post this is, i want you to know: THIS IS A JOKE PEOPLE!!! Just enjoy its crappiness, don't take it too seriously, and have some fun.)

When a girl walks by something she likes, but doesn't outright buy it (for whatever reason) you are supposed to make note and get it for her later (within a "reasonable" price limit of course!).

"But The Toast, my gf does that all the time, i can't buy everything for her!" says you, Mr. Post-Graduate-income-bracket-man. Fear not my frugal friend, just one or two of these items will totally wow her and there are 3 ways to determine which ones she wants the most (media not included here):

1. How long she lingers (this includes the trying on of jewelry and clothes, the longer it's worn, looked at through a window, or danced about in, the more she wants it. Keep a watch handy as accuracy is of the upmost importance.)

2. How many different ways she describes it (this includes any notation of the materials [satin, silk, silver, turquoise, leather], or brands [Coach, Victoria's Secret, Target, Vera Wang], or styles [A-line, Bezel, Newsboy]).

3. How many times she bugs you to look at it and asks you for your opinion on it...("Isn't this cute/interesting/cool/neat/usable[this one i never say myself]/cheap/pretty/enlightening?" "Don't you think this is awesome?" "Don't you think this would look good on me?" "Wouldn't YOU want one?"

Of course, all of the above can be trumped by four simple words: "____ is/are my favorite!!!" In that case, you're totally screwed, so pray that it's cheap or that she won't notice a cheaper imitation of the one she saw.

Now, you don't have to wait all the way till xmas to buy her something she's been wanting. However, you do get like super-major-excess brownie points if you get something she looked at a year ago and play it off like you JUST found it. I like to keep a list of things my BF says he likes and research where i can get them for how much. That way i have a running database of goodies... But i'm a dork so... please make sure the other person doesn't find the list (think tampon boxes and jock strap bags!).

And remember, when you hand her a gift you know she wanted and then (possibly) forgot about, you've done it all just so you can see her smiling face.

~The Toast


SnrIncognito January 3, 2007 at 12:41 PM  

I'm going to print this out and carry it with me to trick my girlfriend into thinking i care! thanks Toast!

Anonymous,  January 3, 2007 at 3:07 PM  

enlightening! good thing i'm single because i am one broke-ass musician.

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